A background, part I

I've often started and abandoned blogs, for one reason or another. However, I am determined to get out of the hole I've found myself in, and a place to write about my progress and my setbacks will help hold me accountable to myself. Plus, maybe some others will find this useful.

So what is this hole? 2 years ago, I had a nice apartment, a new car, a good job, and was doing fine. Then I started having health setbacks - fatigue, chronic pain, organ damage. At one point, I slipped into a coma for three days. I lost my job and sank into a deep depression that spiraled out of control fairly quickly. I ended up losing my car and my apartment. I stopped getting medical treatment. I cut off all contact with the outside world, except for living on a friend's couch. I stopped paying my bills, leaving me with $16,000 in debt that ended up going to collection agencies.

For the next year, I lived in sort of a fog, depressed and afraid of both dying and living; most days I wouldn't even get out of bed. When I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. I was raped by a stranger. I thought I could just ignore it and pretend it never happened.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible. 4 months later, I discovered that I was pregnant. I looked into abortion, but I was too far along for any doctors around my area to perform the procedure. I had no idea what to do. I spent the next 3 months trying to pretend that nothing was wrong, that I could just go on as before. Finally though, I sat down and took a long look at myself and my life and decided that I wasn't going to just wait around to die any longer.

So I got a job. I moved off of my friend's couch and into my own apartment. I researched placing my child for adoption, selected a family, and completed all of the paperwork. I was well on my way, I thought.